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Entered By: Mark
Entry Date: 2010-12-09 13:36:28
Subject: Thursday December 09, 2010

Every year, English teachers from across the  country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors  found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the  amusement of teachers across the country.

Here are last year's  winners.....

    1. Her face was a perfect oval,  like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh  Master.

    2. His thoughts tumbled in his  head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without  Cling Free.

    3. He spoke with the wisdom that  can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he  looked at a solar  eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country  speaking at high schools  about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes wth a pinhole  in it.

    4. She grew on him like she was  a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian  beef.

    5. She had a deep, throaty,  genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws  up.

    6. Her vocabulary was as bad as,  like, whatever.

    7. He was as tall as a six-foot,  three-inch tree.

    8. The revelation that his  marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity  came as a rude shock,  like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

    9. The little boat gently  drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball  wouldn't.

    10. McBride fell 12 stories,  hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable  soup.

    11. From the attic came an  unearthly howl.  The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like  when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of  7:30.

    12. Her hair glistened in the  rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

    14. Long separated by cruel  fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each  other like twofreight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at  4:19 p.m. at  a speed of 35 mph.

    15. They lived in a typical  suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's  teeth.

    16. John and Mary had never met.  They were like two hummingbirds who had also never  met.

    17. He fell for her like his  heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

    18. Even in his last years,  Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so  long, it had rusted shut.

    19. Shots rang out, as shots are  wont to do.

    20. The plan was simple, like my  brother-in-law Phil.  But unlike Phil, this plan just might  work. (editors note: my personal favorite)

    21. The young fighter had a  hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a  while.

    22. He was as lame as a  duck.  Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was  actually lame,maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

    23. The ballerina rose  gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire  hydrant.

    24. It was an American  tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

    25. He was deeply in love.   When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck  backing up.

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