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Entered By: Paula
Entry Date: 2013-01-16 22:28:14
Subject: Kairos moment
Message:
 

 

This past Thursday I had a Kairos moment with God.   I had been in Tegucigalpa for the day, we had a doctors appointment for my son John. It has been a long journey trying to discover what is wrong his health and why he feels and hurts so badly.    I was driving back home, sun shining, wondering why in the world it is that I am usually in Tegucigalpa only for hard medical issues. I was thinking about Hospital Escuela and our time there with our boy Gerardo. I was thinking about my daughter, Hannah, leaving the next day to go back to university in the United States. I was thinking about John and his pain and how badly I want him to be well.   I was thinking about how dirty I felt with all the hot dust and diesel fuel of Tegucigalpa on me.  I was crying and thinking and being angry and confused and hurt. 
 And the Lord showed up. He showed me a part of my heart. He showed me my wounds from this past year and even the first days of 2013. He showed me how I was bleeding and how I wouldn’t let Him come to restore and heal that part of my heart. He showed me how I was holding that painful, bleeding wound to myself, not opening up my heart, not welcoming Him, My King, the Lifter of my head.   He showed me the wall I have built around that wound. He showed me how I don’t trust Him with the hard stuff.  I cried more. I repented. I repented of my unbelief. I repented of my anger and my pride and my self sufficiency. I repented of not believing that He loves me enough to pour His life out over my wound. I cried more.    I repented of not welcoming in the King of Glory. I repented from closing the door to Him. I cried more. I sang, I worshiped, I cried, and I listened. 
And I chose to believe that He is Holy, perfect, the lover of my soul, my King and my God. I chose to believe that everything, everything that happens He will use to mature and refine my heart. I chose to believe that He loves me, my son, and my family. I chose to believe that He is for us and not against us. I chose to believe that the hurts I have lived with will bring beautiful fruit and that I will be able to give comfort to those who hurt also.   I chose to believe that He is God enough to listen to my anger and my hurt and love me still. 
Blessings to you as you live in His presence,
Paula
 




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