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Entered By: Paula
Entry Date: 2014-04-13 22:05:21
Subject: Hard stuff.....Faithful God
Message:
 

We have some hard situations, things that will just be hard unless God works a miracle in the situations.  Probably that isn't a fair statement towards God, truth is He works miracles in those situations daily.  But they are still just hard.  Sometimes that hard gets me down low.  

One of those situations is having a teenage boy that has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.  I hate to label people and say things in a negative way, so I hope I don't do that in this post.  I love this boy, all the way. This situation gets me down low.  It isn't one of those things that people ask how we or he is doing like they did when Gerardo was sick.  It isn't one of those things that people know right away and therefore make allowances in the questions asked or the expectations put on the youth - that can make it hard for not just us but moreso for him.  It isn't one of those things that we can fix or that he can fix.  We pray.  We try.  We pray.  We fail.  He tries.  He prays.  He fails.  We all cry.  We all pray.  We all need grace and wisdom beyond us.  

I have read a bazillion research papers, articles, medical journals, and heartfelt blogs about the situation.  I have tried the things knowlegable people tell me to try.   I have read the utterly wretched statistics.  A psychologist has cried with us.  He understood.  He couldn't change it, but he understood.  Most don't.  A special ed. teacher helped us, so much, in such a short time.  She understood.  Most don't.   We see progress in some areas, we don't in others.  Sometimes he (the boy we love) makes such bad choices that hurt himself, us, and others.  We wonder how we can keep him safe, us safe, all of us safe.  In it all God is faithful and loves and hides me in the cleft.  He hides this boy in the cleft.  

I am not alone.  Mark is strong and gentle.  All the kids extend grace beyond their years and sometimes anger and frustration.  A friend comes and helps me a few mornings a week with some hard school stuff and I can breathe.  Wonderful people have come and treated him with love, honor, and respect.  That helped so much.  Some dear teachers were here for a time and called him up and out to learn and grow.  Friends include him and laugh with him and treat him like they would treat anyone - of course.  And I am scared, worried something will snap.  Some days I am just flat worn out, flat tired of being on alert, flat tired of someone I love needing so very much.  And those days I want to snap, judge, yell, stomp, and punish someone for the hurt this kid lives with.  And God is faithful, and I sleep.  

There are some teachings that go around in Christian circles that I don't get........ones that say that if there is hard you are doing the wrong thing, in the wrong place, not letting go and letting God.  Gag. This is not what I read in scripture.  I read that He is with me, that He comforts me, that He never ever leaves me.  I read that He loves this precious boy that hurts - this boy that doesn't understand what in the world is going on in his head, heart, and body.  I read that He hears my cry and my begging for this child's complete healing;heart, mind, soul, and body.  I read that He is compassionate, loving, gentle, the giver of unmerited grace and favor.  And in the hard days I know this all to be true.  That is a miracle.  

He is so faithful.  Blessed be the Lord, 

Paula 

 

Replies to this message
re: Hard stuff.....Faithful God  by Mark on Monday April 14, 2014
     re: Hard stuff.....Faithful God  by Rick Davis on Monday April 14, 2014
re: Hard stuff.....Faithful God  by Karen Taylor on Monday April 14, 2014




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