As a youth I dreamed of being a lawyer, a child psychologist, and a senator. I wanted to be all of them at the same time, feeling that they were all linked together and that they each were something of who I am.
Most days, though I don't have the education of any of those, I feel that I serve in those capacities; someone acting as a mediator in the daily squabbles, standing up and speaking out for what is right for a child, presenting my case on many subjects, searching around in the hearts and minds of the kiddos around me to see how we can solve problems and encourage behaviors, and one who presents bills to be signed into law- working to help my peoples. I don't have the education, I was not elected, but I do believe I was appointed for this time, in this place, with these people.
This week has been one of those weeks where I have questioned everything about being anything in Honduras, with any of these peoples. I don't have those weeks often, and if I do; Mark isn't. I am not one to pull out the suitcases for a little drama. But..........
A lawyer gets mad. In my mind a lawyer is going to bat for justice, trying to lay it all out clear and simple so that it is clear for all to see. BUT, I must close up my law books and I bow my knee, knowing what I am called to be.......an imitator of Christ. Of course I did that a bit too late a bit too many times this week. I spouted out law as though I was educated. I yelled out codes to others that I wasn't up to snuff on myself. I lost sight of who the judge is and fought as though the outcome has something to do with my presentation of the case, demanding that the case be heard. I let reputation put me on the case rather than perfect justice.
A psychologist is human and limited as a human. I don't know the inner workings of all the brains around me, but I certainly dove in this week as though I did. I tried to reason, justify, find solutions for, and give plan of treatment for everyone else's sin......but mine. I declared reasons for people's actions as though these treatises were well researched and documented discoveries. BUT, I must close the medical journal; focus and turn my research to the Maker, the one who created heaven, earth, and surely man. My eyes must be set on Him, listening to His counsel, and searching in His Word. I must not lean on my own understanding but walk worthy of Him who called me. I must not through wisdom and knowledge out the window when immaturity comes to play. I must be rooted, grounded, established in His truth.
A senator can get the big head. Sometimes because we have been appointed and annointed we think we have been elected by all to be the ruler of all. The truth is no one but God chose me for this place and this time. And truth is I have no plan of action outside of the Cross that is foolproof. I can speak for hours on the virtues of this or that or me, and I can dodge the question to hide my lack. I can act official, educated, high and mighty, and as though I know the pulse of the hearts around me. I can attack the big issues and leave the small ones to fester. BUT, I must come from behind the desk, the lectern, and the office and rub up against. I must use the relevant Word to live a relevant life in front of the real around me. I must see culture for what it is, culture - not truth, and cling to the truth of Christ. I must humble myself, submit myself to another, and walk the extra kilometer. This one burns me. It is so hard to bend, bow, and walk in that gorgeous black suit, pearls, and heels.
I have no education to be any of the three. He calls us to walk in justice, not stomp. He calls us to believe, not judge. He call us to serve, not lord.